Is it Just Me?

Do the morning hours just evaporate for other people too? Or is it just me?

Y’ALL. I was up at 4:10am and didn’t make it to the office until just before 10am. That’s nearly SIX hours!

I was up this morning at 4:10am. Went to 5am workout, came home and was out of the shower before 7. Made the bed. Did the makeup and The Hair.  I did have to paint my toes, but that seriously only took about eight minutes.  I made a smoothie – which is fast bc I have it down to a science. It took me a nanosecond to get dressed since it is the time of year that I live in a dress and sandals. I tossed some celery, almonds and LaCroix’s into Eileen’s adorable monogrammed lunch tote that she never used (so at the office I answer to Erin OR Eileen, and for any AXO’s reading, I’ve clearly become accustomed to answer to just about any and all names starting with “E”).

That was it; the dogs had already been fed and been outside. Eileen was at Josh and Sarah’s, so I didn’t have to nag her all morning.

Yet it was 8:50 before I was ready to go.  I mean, I know I’m not the fastest when it comes to The Hair and makeup, that’s what happens when you grow up in Memphis, these things matter, (Cheech & Brian I know you are nodding your heads in agreement with that statement) – but I mean, come on, I am not THAT slow/vein!

So Sarah dropped off Eileen, and I was taking her out to Mrs. H’s house (where Eileen gets to spend most of the day swimming with her best friends, but does have to do her summer math and reading – SCORE!).

I think this is the point where the major time-suck started.

The plan was to run by the grocery store to grab some food for Mini to have for the week at Mrs. H’s.  We got in the car only to discover the doors won’t lock. Which isn’t necessarily a big deal, except for the fact that I refuse to drive around with unlocked doors.  (I may or may not have had a fleeting thought of “oh goodie! something is broken and the warranty is expired, maybe I get a new car!”). We fiddle with testing doors and trunks and locks. I was just about to try to overcome my paranoia and drive with unlocked doors- but we figured out the only door we hadn’t tested wasn’t actually shut, which apparently means the doors won’t lock. #goodtoknow

We went to Publix because it was closer than Kroger.  We grabbed watermelon, some Lunchables (Leah, I hear you yelling at me), some GoGurts and some sliced turkey and apples for me). Oh, and a Publix cooler bag since we don’t already have seven of those sitting at home/in Bill’s truck where they do no good because they are always at home or in Bill’s truck.  This quick trip around the store didn’t seem to take long, but that’s probably one of those places they pump drugs into the air so you stay longer and spend more money, right?

We go to self check-out. I should just know better. I mean – it’s ME. It’s ME and TECHNOLOGY. This is never a good plan. Things were going along fine until we got to the apples.  Just put on the scale, punch in the code, and go, right? HAHAHAHA. No. No, in our case, Mini and I tried it 2x and failed, so the helper guy came over. He tried it FOUR times. FOUR. No dice. He calls over the manager. At this point I tell them – hey- no biggie -I can skip the apples this trip.  Apparently I had the most determined manager known to man. She tried it four MORE times – each time a different way. Then she runs away- at which point I think to myself – eh, lets just forgo the freakin apples and continue checking out. But of course the manager has locked the little screen and I can’t do anything without her super secret access code. She finally figures out a solution and the apples ring up.

FOR SEVEN DOLLARS AND FORTY NINE CENTS. What? TWO APPLES? not organic. not made of gold. yeah, they’re Honeycrisp and they’re on the larger side as far as apples go, BUT SEVEN DOLLARS? (and we wonder why this country is so FAT, who the hell can afford to eat well if two stupid apples are almost ten bucks!?!?) We’re finally done and on our way.

At this point I don’t even know what time it is. I’m pretty the sure the Apple incident lasted 45 minutes (#sarcasmfont). Off we go! I was super proud of myself because I remembered that one of the main roads was closed from 9-3 for storm damage pickup, but then again I wasn’t going that way anyway, but I still remembered. But said closed road made for extra traffic on the way I WAS going. And by extra traffic, I mean extra traffic PLUS I got stuck behind every delivery truck West of Campbell Station road.  The ones that drive about 11 miles an hour. SHOOT ME NOW.

We finally make it there. I was tempted to slow down and let Eileen roll out of the car, but a friend of mine did that a couple of weeks ago and it didn’t end well (#truestory).

Got her dropped her off, but of course I forgot to give her the watermelon I’d bought her (because duh, that cancels out the Lunchable).  Back to the traffic. And more delivery trucks…

I finally made it to the office. Where I did run into Sissy, who gave me a dress! I thought, ok! this day will be ok!

And then I came into the office, flying around one corner only to have walked smack into a shoot. I’m sure they appreciated that – but at least my hair looked good! So then I came around flying around the OTHER corner.. where I ran into a line of interns getting their badge photos made.  SWEET! I’ll be eternally etched into some poor twenty-something’s badge photo.

Since it took me six hours to get to the office, it should at least me memorialized somewhere, right?