It’s no secret that things happen to me that don’t seem to happen to other people. I just am THAT LUCKY. It’s been that way my whole life. In high school these things were commonly known as Erin Stories, and if by some rare chance, something bizarre happened to someone else, it was instantly classified as an Erin Story.
This morning was no different.
I was running some errands before work, picking up some things for a wedding shower lunch later today. My car was packed full of stuff – computer, large purse, a large stuffed animal yet to be returned to the store, a pair of flip flops, a car seat, a cooler, flowers in a box, another massive empty box. Said empty box was because I had actually prepared ahead of time to put the flowers in the box so they wouldn’t fall/get ruined while being transported (we all know I drive like Junior). But the awesome florist already had them in a box for me, and I had nowhere to put the empty one. Why not my trunk, you ask? Because it was stuffed full of dog beds and dog food because the two psychotic dogs are being boarded tonight because we have Edith and if they aren’t boarded they might sit on her head and smoosh her.
I had one errand left to go: picking up the cupcakes. I got them fairly quickly, as I’d already ordered and paid ahead. Walk back out to car, box balanced in one hand, phone and keys and purse in other. Unlock car, promptly drop phone. Look at ground. No phone. Wait what? I peek under my car, no phone. Peek under car next to me, no phone.
At this point I would not have been surprised if my head spun 180 degrees, Exorcist style. I was running late, had a low tire warning (and even tho I have run flats I still get majorly wigged out by low tires), low gas tank, and now my phone had apparently been swallowed whole by a mysterious force. I somehow unlock my car, and get the cupcakes securely stored in the cooler I’d also had the foresight to bring (anyone who knows me knows that foresight is not one of my strengths).
I then take a closer look under both cars. And there is my phone. Under the car next to mine. Not just right under it, that would be too easy. Smack in the middle underneath it. Not close to one side or the other. I stand back up completely baffled. I can’t call anyone, because, yeah, my phone is under this lime green Neon (seriously). I see no one around.
UGH. So I drop to the ground, IN MY DRESS, and lay flat on my stomach. I scoot my top half somewhat under the car, and manage to reach and reach and get my phone. Just as I have my hands on it, the wind blows. And I’m in a dress. And the wind blows. And I’m in a parking lot exposed to one of the busiest shopping centers in Knoxville. And there was a yard crew working on the curbside appeal. Not even kidding. And my dress was not covering what it was meant to cover.
I popped up in the fastest and best Burpee form I have ever managed (all those workout sessions have paid off I guess). At this point I’m sweating, my knees and thighs are black with parking lot grime – BUT I GOT MY PHONE! I stand there laughing, because what else can a girl do? I have images of the shopping center security team watching all this go down on their little closed circuit TVs, at least I provided some comic relief.
The day has improved. There will be cupcakes. I may be filthy, but there will be cupcakes.
Adventures In Active Wear 